the right to leave

me in my former therapist's office in 2019

I remember when I was in middle school, my mom gave me a wise piece of advice, “dress up for yourself and no one else.” That wasn’t what she said verbatim but the sentiment is the same. 

Post Catholic high-school, in college, I realized I had the ability to fully customize my character.  For example, I recall walking to the library one night in college and I was talking to my father on the phone, and told him how I was going to start dressing emo. This occurred for a number of reasons including: severe depression that led to the externalization of the interior darkness I harbored, as well as influences from Tyler the Creator’s 2011 music. Therefore, I started wearing all black, shaved my sides, dyed my hair red, and got various

piercings including both an eyebrow and septum piercing. 

I was told, “please don’t do that.” 

Despite my apathetic nature towards being perceived as conventionally attractive or accepted, I did not and still do not need anyone else’s approval in terms of how I look. However, it is rather ironic how my mother told me to dress for myself, but in the process did not anticipate that this notion would produce a version of me she did not recognize. In a culture dominated by societal views of women and femme presenting individuals as needing to be aesthetically compliant, refusing to abide by these norms is a small act of resistance. This factor is displayed in the article titled, “Fashion as a form of Political Expression,” written by scholar Neema Amani, “Those who stand out for intentional dressing can be deemed likely to harbor certain beliefs and, as research shows, can strongly influence what others think. Thus, social movements are often characterized by aspects of contentious clothing worn as a form of protest.” Though I had no intention of leading a social movement, the purpose was carried in a similar light —I was going off-script as a demonstration of my newly founded sovereignty. 

tiny bangs

The independence I felt in regards to my appearance also translated to geographic expansion in the form of solo dates. The pathway began when I received my license at 16. I hopped into my 2012 red Toyota Corolla, frequented the Starbucks in my hometown, ordered a large iced vanilla latte, sat and wrote. At 18, I rode my bike to the cemetery on Lower College Road with a joint and a book. As my confidence evolved and developed, I welcomed a broader range of locations such as event spaces, bars, restaurants, bookstores, etc. One of my favorite concerts I had ever been to was Summer, 2025 at Alchemy when Georgia Maq of Camp Cope opened for Illuminati Hotties. I was adorned with a sterling silver ring on each finger, various silver earrings in each ear that held five piercings each, a leopard tube top, a short black jean skirt, platform sandals, winged eyeliner with my classic red lip, platform studded black sandal, bangs I cut to my hairline and of course legs and armpits I would never shave for anyone. 

To provide context, prior to this I was in a relationship with a local musician and really, the only shows I had been going to that year were his. There was a quiet beauty in having the ability in not only getting to choose who I went to see but deciding when I could leave. One thing about me, I’m going to leave when I want, hence why I tend to drive myself or order my own rides. This impulse relates to Tore Sager’s research paper, “Freedom as Mobility: Implications of the Distinction between Actual and Potential Travelling ,” —  that freedom isn’t just about physically going somewhere, it’s about knowing that you could go somewhere if you wanted. Driving myself to concerts, coffee shops, or cemeteries was never just about transportation. It was about maintaining levels of control. 

My mother told me to dress for myself. She was right, just not in the way she imagined and  eight years later, she still rolls her eyes when I pull out the buzzer to shave my sides or wear baggy clothes. Though I love my mother, I am not grasping for her nor anyone’s approval for how I aesthetically present myself. The ability to choose is an act of rebellion. 

Sources:

Neema Amani U., “Fashion as a Form of Political Expression,” Research in Current Issues in Humanities and Social Sciences (2025), https://rijournals.com/fashion-as-a-form-of-political-expression.

Tore Sager, “Freedom as Mobility: Implications of the Distinction Between Actual and Potential Travelling,” Mobilities 1, no. 3 (2006): 465–488, https://doi.org/10.1080/17450100600902420.